


Ghosts

by NotSoSpecial



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Odin's Parenting, Parent Frigga, Post-Thor (2011), Thor Feels, Thor Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3300839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoSpecial/pseuds/NotSoSpecial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You would come with me, wouldn’t you?”</p><p>Yes, I would, Thor thinks. I am your big brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place between the first Thor movie and The Avengers.

He remembers Loki telling him about the marvels of the universe, the glint of curiosity and excitement in his eyes as he did so. He remembers how his brother would bury his nose deep into his books, staying up until dawn and snarling at those who would dare to disturb him.

 

_“One day, I will be walking amongst the stars Thor.” his little brother says, his tiny hand pointing at the sky as they lie down on the grass._

_“But would it not be dangerous, brother?” Thor asks. He does not want to send his brother on an adventure all by himself, for the skies are dangerous and filled with monsters. Would his brother be able to protect himself up there? Would he not be alone?_

_Loki looks at him then, green eyes wide with a mischevious glint in them, a look Thor is all too familiar with. A little smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “Of course it would be, but I did not say I would go alone.” he leans on his elbows to look at Thor, moonlight washing over his little face and making Thor’s heart ache with an urge to protect. “You would come with me, wouldn’t you?”_

_Yes, yes I would, Thor thinks. I am your big brother._

Thor looks at his right side, and Loki is not there.

 

 

The library is peaceful at this time of the night. The books sit quietly on their shelves, as if mourning the loss of a dear friend. And the spot Thor would visit the most, where books would be piled and read by a raven haired man, _(“Don’t toss them around like that you oaf! Have you no manners?")_ delicate hands swapping the pages as if they were flowers to be admired, the spot where his brother spent days and nights just reading and studying, is empty and covered with dust.

 The feasts are not the same without him. Thor laughs and eats and drinks without a familiar presence at his side. No one at the feast seems to notice the sorrow of the queen, the slumped shoulders of the king, or the exhaustion in the golden prince’s eyes. Because there are no jests and sarcastic remarks to test anybody’s temper, no stories to be told by a clever tongue to break them into laugther, no pair of emerald eyes to dare him to do something idiotic.

 He does not have his brother at his side.

 And Thor realises for the first time that the universe is _moving on._

 

 

His mother is not the same.

 She sits in her garden all day, and the sadness in her eyes is heartbreaking. She still smiles at Thor and asks him about his day whenever he visits. _But it’s not the same._

 "Why?” Thor asks her one day, Frigga looks up from the roses in her hands, her eyes red and puffy from crying.

 “Because I have not been a good mother.” she tells him, her voice shaking.

 Thor does not understand this.

 Loki was always so close with mother. It was her who teached him magic, who spent time with him in the libraries, who joked with him to lift up his mood when he was not feeling well. Thor remembers feeling jealous for that. And so he had turned to father instead.

 People would say that he was more like his father.

 And Thor was not stupid.

 He had seen the looks Loki would cast father's way whenever Thor was with Odin, looks filled with craving for approval, attention and respect. He knew Loki thought he was not good enough for Odin, and he knew Loki envied him.

 He just had not realised how serious it was.

 He loved his brother. And so did his mother and father. Had Loki not known this?

 And when he says “I don’t understand.” to his mother, she only shakes her head.

 

 

_“What do you think the Jötnar look like?” Loki asks as they sit on one of the benches in the training hall. It is a sunny afternoon and there is not a cloud in the sky._

_Thor shrugs. “Big, ugly and blue?” One of the warriors is disarmed and thrown onto his back, he raises his hands and yields. “Don’t think much about them, they are nothing more than savage beasts.” Another warrior enters the hall. “And we defeated them once, we can do it again.”_

_Loki wraps his arms around himself and stares at his dangling feet.Thor can not read his face._

_“What’s wrong?” Thor lifts his little brother’s chin with his fingers. “You don’t need to be scared, you know.”_

_“You’ll start training in a week, yes?” Loki asks, still not looking  at Thor._

_“Yes, why?”_

_Loki still doesn’t say anything, but Thor senses his little brother’s fear. He is scared of being alone, Thor thinks. He is scared that a Jotun will come for him._

 

 

Two weeks after Loki’s fall, Odin tells him.

 He tells him how he found Loki, how he took him in, how he raised both of them together. And Thor shouts at him. Blames him for Loki’s death, and all that has occurred. Frigga says nothing and sits on an armchair with unshed tears in her eyes.

 He is angry. Angry at himself for being so blind, angry at Odin and Frigga for lying.

 Angry at Loki for leaving them.

 “Do you think I wanted this?” Odin says, his face twisted with anger. “Do you think it is easy to lose a son?” Thor hears Frigga take a deep breath. “All I did, I did to protect him. If I told him his true heritage, he would always feel left out, like he did not belong!”

 “He did feel left out! If you had only looked at him, truly looked at him for once, you could see how he fought for your attention, how he needed to be noticed.”

 

_Do you truly blame Odin for this?_

_Or are you afraid of how you will crumble if you blame yourself?_

“Enough…” Whispers Frigga. Her shoulders are shaking with silent sobs, and at that moment, Thor realises he can not do this.

 He could not see how his brother was slipping away from him.

 And now his brother was gone, he was not coming back.

 

 

 

_Thor is not surprised to find Loki in his chambers, with  several books open on his bed and green magic on his fingertips, a copy of himself standing beside him. When had he learned to duplicate himself?_

_“Brother!” he says, perhaps a bit louder than he intended to, for his voice booms out across Loki’s chambers._

_His brother sighs as he drops the illusion he was practicing and turns to look at him. “What is it Thor?”_

_“You haven’t left your chambers for days, mother and father are getting worried.” he starts making his way towards the bed. “I was worried as well.”_

_“Well, as you can see I am perfectly fine. You can leave now.” Thor raises his eyebrows at that. “What? Can’t you see I’m studying seidr? I can not afford getting distracted Thor.”_

_Thor picks up one of the books and snaps it shut. “They are waiting for you in the gardens, and I am here to escort you.” Loki opens his mouth to say something but Thor is faster. “Are these tricks truly more important to you than your family brother? Why waste your talents for such things when you can train with me in the hall?”_

_His brother’s expression changes instantly, and he is wearing that blank mask Thor always fails to read, again. Loki gets up from the bed and Thor almost falls down thanks to his brother shoving him out of his way._

_"Thank you, Thor. But I know how to get to the gardens.”_

Thor was standing in Loki’s chambers, the bed was cold and the books were dusty.

 

 

 When he went to stand at the broken edge of the bifrost with Mjolnir in his hand, he looked at the sky.

 He expected to see Loki walking amongst the stars, grinning at him.

 He saw nothing.

 But he could still feel Loki falling.

 


End file.
